Paxil and Prayer

It's been a year. A year since the depression and panic attacks I've had off and on since I was a teenager  came back. And boy, did they come back with a vengeance.
"Hey Lisa, did ya miss us?"
"Uh. No."

My life can be stressful at times, trying to work and trying to help family members. Usually I handle it pretty well. But a perfect storm of BAD STUFF kept happening- a car accident, job loss, an unexpected death of a close friend.

The night my husband and I found out our friend had passed away is the night I had my first panic attack in about 10 years. I had instances where panic attacks would want to bubble up but I was able to control them. Not this time. They were making up for being kept down so long. It actually wasn't panic attacks, it was more of a continuous onslaught. Then the depression set in. Yay!

My husband, whom I help care for took care of me. I clung to him. He took me for car rides because they'd temporarily calm me down. He'd leave the light on because I was afraid of  the dark. Listen to my obsessive rantings.

 My poor cat started acting anxious and also started clinging to my husband. She'd jump on me for a second- I guess to see how I was doing and then go sit on him.

I wanted to die, yet afraid I was going to. Slept a lot because the pain and terror went away. Didn't eat much. Didn't lose weight (crud). My husband suggested I see my doctor and maybe go back on an antidepressant. This time I didn't argue with him.

So, I went back on Paxil. It had helped me before, even though I'm not a big fan of taking medication. I thought it was never going to work. "PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE let it work", I would pray. I also asked for a lot of prayer and I'm not usually one to do that. And not long after asking I felt a little better. And a few weeks later, the meds kicked in and I felt more normal. Not 100% but maybe 75%. And after I started acting less anxious my cat started acting less anxious.

I still have bad days but at least I can function normally. OK. Normal for me, because, let's be honest; I am a little odd.

And I owe my sense of almost normalcy to Paxil and prayer.

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